Thursday, August 11, 2011

Confessions of a Cat Mommy Blogger


My husband and I moved to the Salt Lake City area in June and are fascinated with the city's TRAX commuter train system. A new branch is opening soon in our area and we've been watching the test trains come and go with excitement. That is, until we saw an article in the local paper detailing how a number of Salt Lake's "mommy bloggers" were getting a special sneak preview ride on the train in the hopes that they'd blog about how awesome it is to ride on it with their kids.

For some reason that made me insanely, irrationally jealous.

I"m a blogger too! I'd blog about the train! I'd say how awesome it is! But because I haven't popped out any kiddos yet, I have to miss out. Okay, they might also have overlooked me since my blogs only get forty hits a day and I've never mentioned that I live in the SLC area. BUT ANYWAY, I was annoyed and I told my husband that I ought make up some kids and start posting about them so I could be a super-important mommy blogger too. I mean, the Crafty Cattery covers a lot of the same ground as mommy blogs, minus the baby excrement.

Well, Dear Husband (that's what a mommy blogger would call him, right?) said that I had two children, they just happened to be cats. He suggested that I start posting about them as though they were people children. It would make me look like an excellent parent. So here goes!


I never let my children leave the house unless they're on a leash.

When they misbehave, I squirt them in the face with a water gun.

When we go on road trips, my children get locked in a cage in the back of the car.

My kids are never allowed to eat fresh fruit or vegetables.

I did not breast-feed either of my kids.

I had their reproductive organs removed when they were babies.

I don't send my kids to school. They never mastered talking so I don't see the point.

My children hate water, so they hardly ever take baths.

They don't like clothes either so I let them run around naked whenever they feel like it.

 I leave them home alone for hours at a time with no babysitter.

I don't give my kids toilet paper, so they clean their bottoms with their tongues.

And finally, 

I make my kids eat off the floor and poop in a box.


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